I like reading blogs. It makes me look at life in another perspective. The blogger's perspective. And frequently, I reflect on many things regarding my own life. This time around, I'm going through a massive rainfall. I like challenges and responsibilities in small dosages. I felt poisoned now. What happened to my light gentle drizzle?
The one thing I thought I was quite successful in, my studies; it's getting from bad to worse. I can barely understand what the lecturer's teaching, and cause I cannot understand, I'm very demotivated to study. Not to mention how many times I've dozed off during lessons. I'm unable to concentrate. And I don't know where to start studying. HELP!
Masquerade! Paper faces on parade!
Masquerade! Hide your face, so the world will never find you!
Masquerade! Every face a different shade!
Masquerade! Look around - There's another mask behind
you!
you!
Masquerade! Seething shadows breathing lies . . .
Masquerade! You can fool any friend who ever knew you!
(A portion taken from Masquerade by Andrew Lloyd Webber in the Phantom of the Opera)
Why does everyone wear a mask? How have I accidentally take part in a never-ending masquerade? My relationship with people is somehow deteriorating. I find it hard to talk to many. I always find it difficult to articulate my opinions and thoughts. Hypocrisy seems to be the way to go presently. It's so wrong but people are getting away with things simply because they are cunning enough. And they're talented in acting. Maybe I'm just jealous and in denial. I'm not good in seizing opportunities and often make many decisions that lead to regrets. But then again, without those decisions regardless of good or bad, I wouldn't be here. Perhaps it's a matter of accepting life the way it has become. I do not have the power to change the world... Well at least for now..
What's more important is my walk with God. When everything's not right, it means my relationship with God's not right. God, I felt You're so far from me... Father, I really need to feel that refreshing touch from you. I can't study well, can't read the bible well, can't pray well, can't fast well, can't think well... and the list goes on...
I do not know what is ruining my relationship with God but I seriously want back my Heavenly Daddy. He's always there, but I'm unable to relate to Him anymore. But wait, do You want me to go through this phase? Learn to be more independent? YES! I shall continue to wait on God for His promises are true. He said He'll never leave me nor forsake me. I won't too. But God I pray to thank you cause if I were to fall, I know You'll be there to pick me up again. You will be there to share Your umbrella with me when the raindrops get too heavy.
4 comments:
People wear masks because of fear. We human beings, since the dawn of time have always wanted to be part of a group, a clique, a community, and acceptance plays a major part in our lives. We fear that if we show our true colours, we won't be able to have the acceptance that we yearn. That's why most people would rather be part of a group than to be an individual. Some people feel that if we bare too much of ourselves to others, we risk getting hurt, thus we build up these fortresses and walls, so that no one can ever penetrate the essence of our souls. This is what make us human. After all, what is life but a play? Thus, to truly know and understand a person, sincerity, honesty and genuine care is needed to break down the walls. I feel that in every person there is a small private space that no one can enter, a space specially for our deepest thoughts and innermost feelings, but to hide behind a farce all the time, and never allowing the world to see the emotions and personality that defines the humanity in us is to live a lie.
As for your walk with God, remember Job. Everything in his life went wrong but it doesn't mean that his relationship with God weaken. God is our fountain of love and strength. You'll soon see the light at the end of this dark tunnel. =)
Well said, Fran. I agree, absolutely.
Eunice Lee (Mass Comm, 18 yr) passed away yesterday, dengue victim. Vivian is so lucky.
thank u so much fran. i havent been online for a long long time.. and surprisingly..
i was led to d book of Job; was in fact working on it.. and realised i couldn't understand from d part where Job's fren Eliphaz starts 2 speak. to me it sounds positive but according 2 Job & the Lord, it's wrong and d fella got punished in d end... hmmm i've read it thrice but i guess fourth or fifth reading would help...
oh fishtail, i called vivian immediately after i heard of eunice's demise and i told her the exact few words, "You're very lucky."
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